We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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