Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
