my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
