I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize