I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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