i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
