The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
