GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she smelled like a LAN party
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
