I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize