She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
