On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
