i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
