dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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