I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My liver just broke up with me...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
