It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
