Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
