I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
