If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
