My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
