we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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