why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
