butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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