I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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