you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ladies don't puke and tell
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
