Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
