I am midnight drunk by noon
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
