I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So here I am, sexting at work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
