Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
