The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
