New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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