just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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