dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
