I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
