guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
