my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
