He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
