I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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