hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
