this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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