I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
