I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
