God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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