What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
