I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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