i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
