so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
