atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
