I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
