these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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