I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
