i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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