I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
