and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sobbing to NWA
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
