smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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