My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't turn off my feet"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
