glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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