I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
