My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
