My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
