so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
