I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
