Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
