Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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