As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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