you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
