I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
