I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
