he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize
