Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
